Thursday, October 27, 2005
27/Oct/2005
Hi guys... for this post, im gonna talk bout something that yall did not know. It is something that is kept in me for too long and i muz take it off my chest.
It is 12 midnight now, my parents are sleeping and my bro is still awake. You see, some people are good at expressing their emotions and some just like to keep it inside. There are some people that can easily pour out their problems easily and some just like to hide their problems to themselves. Your impression on me may change from reading this blog or may not.
What you see me now, it is just a facade. On the outside, i am just a cheerful, happy-go-lucky type of person. But on the inside, i am just a small, misunderstood, lonely boy hiding in one corner crying. The reason why i dont want people to see the inside of me because, i dont want to ruin other people day because i am sad. So thats why i am always smiling and happy when i am with my friends.
Also another reason i am always happy with my friends because they are the ones that can truely put a smile or a laugh on my face(especially seconday school friends). They are a great bunch of people to hang out with and honestly speaking, i feel that i am more closer to my sec sch and poly friends than to my church friends. Because they speak the language that i speak. They enjoy the things that i enjoy. I am not saying that my church friends are bad. No they're not, they are wonderful, God-Loving people. But they always give me a vibe to back off from them(if i am wrong, i apologise but this is how i feel). So that's why i did not interact with my church friends for i period of time until at one faithful church camp. The youths in church are a great bunch of people, no doubt bout that. But none of them that i can express my problems or my feelings to(again if i am wrong, i apologise). For example, today. I just came back from a sec sch gathering and i must say i have really enjoyed myself. We laughed and always do crazy stuff.
My sec sch friends always treat their friends as a brother, an abang as they say. Thats the kind of friendship that i did not feel with my church friends(if this is offending, i apologise).
Back at home, it is bout the same. No one i can really pour out my feelings at. I am not saying my family is disfunctional. I am blessed to have the family i have, i truely am. A God-Loving family, the way i wanted. But in the family of 4, no one understands me. You see, i dont understand my parents and they dont understand me. A generation gap thingy. I always feel that they loved my brother more than i do. My bro gets a room by himself, i still sleep with my mom. He can came back home at 12 midnight, i must be home by 10. When i always ask why the are like that, they will say either my bro is older or there is no reason at all. See, they would not understand me, and i dont understand them. Whenever i express my feeling out to my mom, she will say i am talking rudely to her. For example, when i came back home at 10.30. My mom was pissed because she ask me to come at 10. The reason why i am 30 mins late because i waited 45 mins for the bus to come and it did not arrive. When i told her that, she ask me to shut up and she told i am always in the wrong. You may say i am petty, but wouldn't you feel this way when you are misunderstood by your own mother.
Then there's my brother. Brothers or sisters should be close, but thats not the case with me. Like i always, me and him are like the sun and the moon. We are of different worlds. I have never been very close with my brother. We will talk but barely. So i must say, if you have a close sister or brother, treasure it because God has given you something that i never have. My brother is a great person. He has God given talents. I will always do anything for my brother. Even if i have to give up my life. But i dont know will he do the same.
Then there is church. Church is a place where you find rest. I have found rest, but when it is with God. The church enviroment itself dont. From the vibe i am getting, i always feel that people look down upon me. You see, my dad is the head of music ministry, my mom does travel tickets for the members there(especially those going for mission trips), my brother is a well known music composer and piano mystero there and me, NOTHING(if i am really wrong bout this, let me know and if i am right bout this, let me know too)l. For example, last sunday my family and i went to eat lunch at a hawker center near church. One of our church members join us, and for the whole time, he's been prasing my brother thats he is a man, he is mature. Than me, he gave me shit, pure shit, saying i am troublesome. The best part was, my parents just sat there and laughed. You may say i m petty but how wolud you feel when someone say negative things bout you and your parents agree with it. See what i mean. Why, is it because my brother can write songs and musicals? Is it because he has his own car? Is it because he is great at the piano and i am just a bass player. You may call me whatever you want, moreover coming from christians. Sigh!.
Now yall know what i really am. I am just a lonely boy in a lonely world. God please help get through with my life. No one understands me more than you do. Help me Lord. Please!
Thank You For Reading My Sorrows
12:16 AM, & i live by faith and not by sight for you
Saturday, October 22, 2005
22/Oct/2005
Tuesday: Went to Orchard to play LAN with the gang as that will be the last time to play with Chris D, he will be goin to camp on Friday. God Bless Chris and take care dude.
Wednesday: End Semester Exams results has come out. Surprisingly, i passed all my subjects when i did not study at all. Thank God and give him praise.
Thursday: Went to chruch for band practise for Dennis and Jean's (my cousins) wedding. That will be the fourth grandchild in the Chew family to get married. Man, our family is growing.
Friday: Like always, went to music clef for bass lessons. Was slightly dissappointed when the toa payoh gig was cancelled. But, there is the Suntec gig which will be a great show i must add. So please come, IT'S FREE ANYWAY.
Saturday: Dennis and Jean's wedding day. A really happy occasion. Went to Uncle Ben's place for the tea ceremony, then went to church for sound check and to play for the wedding. All was smooth. Overall, it was a perfect day for the couple. Not only the family is expanding, i will be getting more ang pao money next year. Tomorrow will be the dinner.
Marriage is sacred. Marriage is to be taken seriously. But nowadays, more and more couples are getting divorced. The reason, i dont know. But we cannot take marriage for granted. The vows, the signing of the papers, the significance of having it. So when you thoght you have found the right opposite. Get to know him or her more. Until both are comfortable with each other, than marriage can be an option. Marriage is like building a covenant with God. Divorce is like breaking a bond with God.
11:25 PM, & i live by faith and not by sight for you
Monday, October 17, 2005
17/Oct/2005
Hey guys, lets start from friday. Went to Music Clef for band practise again, my fridays are boring huh. Can't wait to perform. After that, went to church to play for prayer. Since there is no drummer, i played the drums. When you dun play a certain instrument for so long, you will get rusty, i mean really rusty. After prayer, went to eat dinner.
Saturday was Flag Day for church. The donations will go to Jia Ying Community Service that Glad Tidings Church is running. Done the Flag Day from 8am to 3pm. I must say that is not easy to ask strangers for donations. It really takes you out from your comfort zone, but there still good people out there that donated their hard earn money. After Flag Day was band practise for service on Sunday. So practically, i was out the whole day and did not get enough shut eye.
Sunday, woke early to go to church. After both service, went with to Orchard to play BF2 with Jere, Chris, Julian, Jonathan and Tanat. Truth to be known, there were no seats and we played XBox instead, fair trade.
Thats was how i spent my weekends. Peaceout
3:33 PM, & i live by faith and not by sight for you
Thursday, October 13, 2005
13/Oct/2005
Moses choose twelve leaders, one from each tribe of the Israelites, to be sent as spies to spy on Canaan, a land God has promised the Israelites. They were asked to gather information on the land. The spies reached a place in Canaan, Valley of Eshcol. They cut off a branch bearing a cluster of grapes. Two of them carried it on a pole between them, along with some pomegrants and figs. After the end of forty days, they returned from exploring the land.
The spies came back to Moses and Aaron and the whole Israelite community. There they reported to them and showed the fruit of the land. They said that the land is flowing with milk and honey but the inhabitants there are big and powerful. Caleb and Joshua(Two of the twelve spies) slienced them them and said that the Israelites should go to Canaan and take possesion of it. The rest of the spies said that they cannot attack them for they are stronger than the Israelites.
The reason why the ten spies are too afraid to take possesion of Canaan because, they forgotten that God has promised the Israelites the land and instead kept on thinking about the odds that are stacked against them. True, the inhabitants of Canaan are big and powerful but what can be bigger than God. If God has promised something, he will sure keep to his word.
Obsticals may come our way and hinder our lives. But that should not hinder our beliefs in God. A runner will not give in a middle of a race just because there is an obstical, he will jump over the obstical. What is different of that and our lives is, God will lift u up and cross that obstical that you are facing. He will be there in the beggining of the race, the middle of the race and at the end of the race. Trust in the Him to help you get over your obsticals.
How often have we stepped right up to the edge of God's fulness, only to draw back because of unbelief? Are you there right now? Press on, despite the giants. God will give you all the ground you place your feet upon.Peaceout.
"So we see that they were not able to enter, because of their unbelief. Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it." (Heb 3:19-4:1)
2:50 PM, & i live by faith and not by sight for you
Sunday, October 09, 2005
9/Oct/2005
A very busy weekend. Ok i start from friday because i did nothing on thursday. Friday, went to Music Clef for band practise. I must say u will not regret coming to the concert on the 7th-12th Nov. The band is getting tighter and tighter as each practise goes by.
Saturday went to watch the movie Goal with my buds. For those who hasn't watch the movie, here's the spoiler. It is about a young kid,Santiago Munez, who has been living in poverty and hardship. He loves soccer abd hopes one day he could make it big in the soccer areana. One day, that dream came true. A former scout gave him the chance to play in one of the best club in the world, Newcastle United. Given chance after chance, he made it into Newcastle United first team.
On Sunday, which is today, went to church for service, played soccer with my buds and went to Music Clef for another band practise but it is with a different band. Although its been quite a while since we played soccer together, but still we have the skills in us.
The movie Goal not only toches on the topic Soccer, it also touches on the topic Dreams and Aspiration. Santiago's dream is to play soccer in the big leagues, but to achieve it, he has to make alot of sacrifices. It kinda link to reality. I may not know what are your dreams, it may be sports, it may be in music or it may be in the fashion industry, but in order to make your dreams come true, you will have to make alot of sacrifices. So it all boils down to is the sacrifices worth it. As youths, we will say yes, its worth it because we youths know no boundaries. We will not let anything hinder what we believe in.
All it takes is that one opportunity to make our dreams come true. So why not go for it. Life is short, and in life we need to have a goal to achieve. Whether or not you will be successful in achieving it, but at least you can say you have tried and learn from it. So the age old question is still very relevant, What You Wanna Be When You Grow Up? peaceout.
11:53 PM, & i live by faith and not by sight for you
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
5/Oct/2005
Living a life in Singapore is hectic and stressful some people may say. But thats how it is, we can't change it. The working people have to work to earn money in order to live the high standard Singapore life and we students, have to study hard in order to have a bright future.
We are so caught up with work that we just simply lose our perspective in life. As i recalled when i was about to choose the course i want for my poly, i ask my friends what course are they taking? Many gave the different courses they want. When i ask them why they want to choose this course. Many said because it gives them a stable job for the future. The thought of having a stable job, a stable income have influence the way we lived. No more is the i want to do this because i love it, it becomes i want to do this because it will give me a good future.
The future is something we cannot control. We cannot hold our future so easily at the palm of our hand. But i know i can trust my future to someone called God and i know that, we has something planned for me. Since he has my future in his hands, why should i worry what would happen to my future.
Today's pressing problems sometimes create within us a hankering for times past - "the good old days". If we forget God's promise of future blessings, we will suffer from a lack of perspective.
But one thing I do:Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenwards in Christ Jesus (Phil.3:3-14)
6:07 PM, & i live by faith and not by sight for you
Sunday, October 02, 2005
2/Oct/2005
In 2 days time, it will be my grandmom first death anniversery. But because it happens on a tuesday, the whole Chew family decide to have it today. So on this post, let me say something bout my grandmom. When my grandpa passed away many years ago, before i was born, my grandmom had to take care of 10 children all by herself. An impossible job to do but she did. One time she said to Pastor William Lee(Senior Pastor at that time for Glad Tidings Church), that she might not live to see to see her children get married, but truth to be known, she lived to see her grandchildren get married. One thing that strikes me of her, is that her willpower and her gentleness. She never gave up on her children. Always praying for them and hoping that they will be God-fearing people and she was always there for her children and grandchildren. What she has sowed on her children has reaped fruit.
My mom always tell me stories on how my grandmom discipline her children and told me stories on how she lived through the war. I can always recall the times when she came over to my house to stay-over. Now it is hard to call her for stay-overs. On the day before she passed away, she was reading a passage from the bible Pslams 23:"The Lord is my shepherd, i shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters". I know why my grandmom like this verse. Because in her life, what she ask from the Lord, the Lord gives her. She lead a very peaceful life. No sickness fall upon her only she took pills for her high blood pressure. Even at her death, she just left in her sleep, leaving a smile on her face. When i saw her lying on the bed motionless and the grin on her face, it tells me that she left this world peacefully and with no regrets.
The Lord is my shepherd, i shall not be in want. Simple words with a strong meaning. It means that to have the Lord as my protector as my shepherd, to watch over me, i am alright no harm will fall upon me. Who wouldn't to have a peaceful life? I am not saying that no troubles will come to our lives, there will come, but to lead a life cheerfully, not showing a down face or get worried for all sorts of things that which is not even there.Peaceout
11:42 PM, & i live by faith and not by sight for you
Saturday, October 01, 2005
1/Oct/2005
hey ya, nv expected myself to create a blog, see how the internet is so addictive. What a day it has been. Still feeling the after effects of the chalet, it was fun btw, able to see old faces and remembering the crazy times we have spent. Went down to suntec fir music clef band practice and guess who i met. PUAH TECK HAO, sorry HAU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! malaysian swimmer. Back to the music clef thingy, it was a good prac, we did alright. If yall wanna see us play. We will be performing at Suntec City on the 7-12th of November, its free btw so y not see us perform, its not like everyday there will be free performence. After that, headed to church, playing for prayer there. After prayer, my dad and i went to jalan kayu for prata, still the best in spore. Man, the flu is really getting to me. After that, went to fetch my mom from home and went to hotel meridian to see my bro perform. I must say that my bro is the master on the piano. Jazz, rock, blues, folk, nursery rhymes, national anthems, u name it he can play it. Got back home, exhausted and now writing this blog. A day which suppose to b a holiday for me, has bcome a hectic day for me. This is life in spore. U work more than u change ur underwear. But to be able to work for music and for my Lord God is worth it. I m able to find rest n peace from Him. As the bible say that come to him and u will find rest. That is so true. Cast all ur troubles onto Him. Trust me it works. peaceout
3:52 PM, & i live by faith and not by sight for you
